With a little work and patience, you can learn how to regulate your emotions.
Anger, frustration, grief, and worry are all common emotional sensations that can have an affect on one’s well-being and Control Your Emotions decision-making. Indeed, evidence demonstrates that emotional experiences may both motivate and impair decision-making.
However, she argues that if you have strong, overpowering emotions and can use rationality to Control Your Emotions, behaviors, and thoughts, you are more likely to be satisfied with your decisions.
Why Cannot I Control My Own Emotions?
- Serani adds that when a person acts before thinking, it becomes harder to manage their emotions. She claims that pleasant, exciting, and amazing events can interfere with decision making, as can negative and aggressive emotions such as wrath, despair, fury, impatience, prejudice, and so on.
- “The idea is to acknowledge your emotions while also allowing contemplation to be part of your process. “There’s a saying, ‘go with your heart, but take your head with you,'” Serani explains.
- She goes on to say that impulsivity, catastrophizing, and avoidance can impair emotional regulation, and that risk-taking, avoidant behaviors, and cognitive distortions raise stress hormones, causing tension, impatience, and agitation.2
- “They also increase anxiety and insecurity. Unfortunately, these tactics leave us feeling helpless and forlorn. Serani argues that many people struggle to establish emotional stability.
Can I control my own emotions?
- The answer is yes and no, according to Natalie Christine Dattilo, PhD, a clinical psychologist and psychology lecturer at Harvard Medical School.
- “Our emotions are spontaneous and involuntary, which means they arise immediately and instinctively, much like a knee-jerk reaction. “What we can control is how we respond to them when they occur,” she continues.
- According to Dattilo, managing emotions is “turning down the volume” on their intensity and “changing the channel” to a new feeling when necessary.
- “However, what frequently occurs is that we blame and condemn ourselves for experiencing negative feelings, which effectively turns up the volume, making ourselves feel even worse.
— Natalie Christine Dattilo, PhD.
Strategies for Emotional Regulation.
The following techniques can help you control your emotions.
Get in touch with your emotional fluency.
- Emotional intelligence involves understanding and managing one’s own emotions, as well as recognizing the emotions of others. Dattilo likes the term “emotional fluency” instead of the often used phrase “emotional intelligence.”
- “Intelligence implies that you have it or don’t. “Fluency is something you develop with practice, just like learning a new language,” she explains.
- She argues that sentiments are a sort of “communication,” which is more in line with the concept of fluency.
- “Our sensations are supposed to tell us something [and draw our attention]; it is our responsibility to figure out what that is. Our emotions alert us to something significant, perhaps dangerous, or intriguing and fascinating. “They aren’t necessarily ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ but we tend to label them that way,” Dattilo adds.
- As you develop control over your emotions, they become less confused and harder to comprehend, and you learn what to do with them, she explains.
Turn your attention outward.
- Feelings are real, yet they are intangible. When emotions are high, Dattilo suggests focusing on something solid and practical. She advises softly pushing your hands together or placing your palm on your chest to feel your own breathing and heartbeat.
- Turning on music is another underutilized and straightforward strategy for emotion control, she adds.
- “Music may be stimulating, invigorating, peaceful, and relaxing. Dattilo claims that it has the power to instantly shift your mood.
Practice Self-Care Activities.
- Serani believes that exercising, getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, and indulging in hobbies can help with emotional well-being, regulating powerful emotions, and developing social and emotional learning.
- “Studies have long shown that tending to your mind, body and soul in these ways will deepen your attunement to yourself and help with self-regulation,” she goes on to explain.3
Perform Inner Work Exercises.
- According to Serani, expressive arts like as writing and blogging, visiting support groups, and seeking psychotherapy may all help you process your feelings and gain insight into the underlying reasons of powerful emotions.
- “One of the additional benefits is these experiences can help root out some of the triggers, traumas, or unresolved patterns that set off overwhelming emotions,” she went on to say.
Identify triggers that heighten emotions
- Although triggers, such as specific events or individuals, are unpleasant and it is natural to avoid them, Dattilo believes that knowing your triggers might provide you with the finest possibilities to respond to them differently.
- “Practice helps us build and strengthen emotion regulation skills like breathing and reframing so that they are available and useful to us when we need them, in real time,” she went on to say.
Constructive Communication
The following are assertive communication tactics for effectively expressing emotions, actively listening, and asserting boundaries while remaining respectful and empathetic.
Avoid hostile conversations
Recognize that you do not have to continue a conversation with someone who is growing aggressive. Dattilo proposes stating, “This is an important talk, and I can feel I/you are becoming agitated. “I think we should take a break from it.”
Instead of ignoring or avoiding the topic, schedule a follow-up.
“Returning to a debate after a gap can strengthen a connection, whilst not returning can weaken it.
— Natalie Christine Dattilo, Ph.D.”
Avoid accusatory phrases
- Instead than accusing someone of something broad, such as being cruel, Dattilo suggests using language in the context of: “When you ‘x’, I feel ‘y.'”
- “For example, ‘When you check your phone over dinner, I feel forgotten and unimportant. “Can we chat to each other instead?” she inquires.
Give Others a Turn to Talk
- Serani advocates allowing everyone in the conversation undisturbed opportunity to express their opinions and feelings.
- “Generally, five minutes or under is a good time clock measure,” she said.
- While listening, avoid speaking and try to hear what others are saying.
- “By the way, the word listen contains the same letters as the word silent,” Serani goes on to remark.
Compose Yourself Before Speaking
Serani recommends deep breathing and attempting to decrease stress reactions when it comes time to speak.
“This way, if your emotions are running high, you can invite the cognitive parts of your brain to help with reasoning,” she said.
Look for middle ground
Attempting to discover areas of agreement is one method to keep the discourse civil. For example, Dattilo proposes using phrases like “Can we agree to discuss this later? a “Can we agree that arguing is not going to solve anything tonight and try to figure out a better way tomorrow?”
“Asking for agreement also helps your partner feel like they can ‘buy in’ to any potential solution reached,” she says.
Recap
Sometimes emotions get the best of us. However, with effort, patience, and self-compassion, you may increase your ability to manage your emotions. Accept any unpleasant scenario that tests your emotions as an opportunity to learn and develop your emotional fluency.
FAQ
Why is it vital to manage your emotions?
Controlling emotions is critical for sustaining good relationships, making sound decisions, and effectively managing stress.
What are some methods for managing emotions?
Deep breathing, mindfulness, and reframing ideas are all techniques that can help you control your emotions and enhance emotional health.
How can I remain calm in difficult situations?
Increase self-awareness, recognize triggers, and devise coping methods such as taking breaks, seeking help, or engaging in relaxation activities.
How can self-care help you maintain emotional control?
Prioritizing self-care activities such as exercise, enough sleep, and good nutrition can boost emotional resilience and mitigate the effects of unpleasant emotions.
